Dear Handsome,
As there are many other nicknames I could peg you with that are less than masculine, I have no doubt you'll secretly enjoy being called handsome on a daily basis. That being said, I realize it has been 4 months since I last wrote you. Although I can't really explain why, I think I had started to give up on meeting you. After visiting David, Amy and Bo in Florida at the end of October, I started wondering if I had already met you. I wondered if you were Ben. I still wonder if you are. Things did not go well. I found out he was dating someone else, he supposedly broke up with her and we spent some time together, got in a big fight, and now this fight has raged on for two months. I can't tell if I actually love him, or if I just play him as my safe card. He's a constant in my life - he's consistently a pain in the rear. I can always count on us fighting.
Why am I telling you this? I want you to know that my heart is aching. My heart has the ability to ache. I think that may be a huge reason as to why I haven't found you. As long as I let myself hold on to Ben, I will find it difficult to start to love anyone else. But I promise you this, when I find you and we know we are supposed to be together, I will love you with all my heart. I will always be true to you. I will never give you reason to wonder. Because I've been hurt so badly before, I will need reassurance of your love for me. Please tell me you love me every day, kiss me every day, and hold me when I cry. I will cry. I'm a woman, and I feel deep and strong emotion. If I cry in front of you, it's because I trust you to hold me and make it better. It's not because I am trying to manipulate you or make you feel bad. It's simple: I just want to be held.
I caught a glimpse of you yesterday. Not really YOU, of course, but glimpses of how I deserve to be treated, and how I know you'll treat me.
I love you, handsome. I eagerly await the day you come into my life. Until then, I'll be finishing school and working. I'm just waiting on you.
Love Always,
Me
