Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Found you.

Hey Handsome,
  I've already called you that, and it felt so good. Isn't it funny that I met you the last time I wrote? I didn't know it was you at the time, but now here you are... making my life into a beautiful collage of new memories and forgiven pasts.
  You're here. You're real. You're taking me to the temple (initially just to do baptisms as soon as I can, then soon thereafter to be sealed together forever). It took very little time for me to fall in love with you, but I'm grateful we have forever to get to know each other. You are amazing, and you make me feel like I can do anything.

          Love Always,
                Me

P.S. I guess I'm still waiting on you...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Belief in something wonderful.

Dear Handsome,
   As there are many other nicknames I could peg you with that are less than masculine, I have no doubt you'll secretly enjoy being called handsome on a daily basis. That being said, I realize it has been 4 months since I last wrote you. Although I can't really explain why, I think I had started to give up on meeting you. After visiting David, Amy and Bo in Florida at the end of October, I started wondering if I had already met you. I wondered if you were Ben. I still wonder if you are. Things did not go well. I found out he was dating someone else, he supposedly broke up with her and we spent some time together, got in a big fight, and now this fight has raged on for two months. I can't tell if I actually love him, or if I just play him as my safe card. He's a constant in my life - he's consistently a pain in the rear. I can always count on us fighting.
   Why am I telling you this? I want you to know that my heart is aching. My heart has the ability to ache. I think that may be a huge reason as to why I haven't found you. As long as I let myself hold on to Ben, I will find it difficult to start to love anyone else. But I promise you this, when I find you and we know we are supposed to be together, I will love you with all my heart. I will always be true to you. I will never give you reason to wonder. Because I've been hurt so badly before, I will need reassurance of your love for me. Please tell me you love me every day, kiss me every day, and hold me when I cry. I will cry. I'm a woman, and I feel deep and strong emotion. If I cry in front of you, it's because I trust you to hold me and make it better. It's not because I am trying to manipulate you or make you feel bad. It's simple: I just want to be held.
   I caught a glimpse of you yesterday. Not really YOU, of course, but glimpses of how I deserve to be treated, and how I know you'll treat me.
   I love you, handsome. I eagerly await the day you come into my life. Until then, I'll be finishing school and working. I'm just waiting on you.

               Love Always,
                    Me

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

love note

Hey sweetie,
  I'll hide this note somewhere you'll find it during the day. Maybe in your wallet. Maybe in your back pocket (if we're married, you can be imaginative on how it will get there). Maybe, just maybe, I'll sneak it into the lunch I will make you - because we'll be cute like that.
   I want you to know how happy you make me. I'm so proud to call myself yours. I spent many nights staring at the ceiling, wondering when I would meet you. I wondered if I would know you immediately.
   You put my heart in a tizzy. Can't wait to see you and wrap my arms around you! (And kiss you, let's be honest here...)

            Love,
               Me

PS - Just waiting on you.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

i think i know how things will be

i think i know how things will be.

you know, when we start dating.

{before i realize i've found you.}
I'll never have to drive us anywhere. You'll always pick me up, open the car door for me, and drop me off at my front door. We won't kiss until the third date.

You'll only text me cute little notes. You'll never want to have a conversation via text, or Facebook.

You'll ask me about David. You'll want to see pictures. You'll hold me when I cry about it.

You'll have a desire to meet Dave and Amy, if it's possible.

You'll want me to meet your family, and you won't tell them anything about David because you'll understand it's my tale to tell.

You'll want to meet my family, and you will treat me like a queen in front of them to show them how wonderful you think I am.

You'll tell me stories about your mission, your family, and invite me to meet your friends.

You'll hold my hand in public.

You'll think that I hung the moon (and I'll think you did, too).

You'll play Monopoly with me.

You'll slow dance with me in the rain (or snow).

You'll tell me you love me... but not too soon. You'll show me, first.

You'll come to dinner, and you'll make my mom laugh.

You will be willing to talk about a plan for marriage, school, and family well before we're officially engaged... so that we won't have any surprises and we'll know that we're compatible.

You will go for walks with me, and you'll always have me home before midnight.

... I can't wait to meet you. I hope it's soon. But if not, I'll be here. Just waiting on you.

Monday, August 23, 2010

justing thinking about you...

i've been thinking about you a lot lately.

I keeping imagining how wonderful it will be to feel your arms around me. I've never liked sleeping alone, but I know that it's something I will do until we meet.

I do worry about how you'll initially react when you find out about my past. It won't be easy to hide that I'm an adoption advocate. I guess you'll know me because I'll be the crazy girl who blurts out that she placed her baby for adoption... on the first date.

I guess you'll know me because.. well, you won't mind. You'll love me because of the difficult things in my life that have defined me. You'll love my little boy, and his family, as I do. You'll love them because I love them. You won't just think it's "okay" that I had a baby... you'll think I'm strong and amazing for making such a difficult, heart-breaking decision. I deserve you...

And you deserve me. I will know who you are... and I will love you unconditionally for eternity.

Don't give up on me. I'm still here. Just waiting on you.